


Mistakes I've Made

by dreadpiratewatson



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Merlin (Kingsman), Background Merlin/Roxy Morton | Lancelot, Bottom Eggsy Unwin, Established Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin, F/M, Happy Ending, Hartwin, Hurt Eggsy Unwin, Hurt Harry Hart, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Roxlin - Freeform, Roxy Is a Good Bro, Top Harry Hart, Wedding Night, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-18 07:20:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16990527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreadpiratewatson/pseuds/dreadpiratewatson
Summary: Harry leaves Eggsy at the alter, and has to handle the aftermath of what he realizes is the biggest mistake of his life. But can Eggsy ever forgive him?Featuring badass Roxy and exasperated Merlin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been a bit, but this is the first chapter of my story! The entire thing is basically written, so updates should come quick! 
> 
> Love you guys! 
> 
> -Stevoe

There’s something to be said about spring weddings; they’re always perfect. Whether it’s the beautiful blue skies or the fresh smell in the air, or the fact that the Earth was coming back to life after the retreating winter with all of the trees and flowers in bloom, a wedding in the spring time was the picture of perfection. That’s why Eggsy Unwin and Harry Hart had decided to marry on an unusually warm, beautiful day in the middle of May, and for a single moment, everything was peaceful and perfect in the world.   
  
“Mum, quit fussin’ just go get Roxy.” Eggsy tries, shoving his mother’s hands away. 

“Oh quit your whinin’ you. It’s not every day my baby boy gets married.” Michelle Unwin chides gently, but rolls her eyes and opens the door to leave. "Roxy, darling? Groom needs you." She calls.   
  
"If he's bitching about the damn rose again, I'll strangle him." Eggsy can practically hear her rolling her eyes. Moments later, there’s a knock on the door. "Housekeeping."    
  
Eggsy laughs breathlessly. "Good, I need help. I can't get this fuckin' tie on straight, my hands are shakin' so bad."    
  
She pushes the door open to find the very nervous looking Eggsy Unwin, soon-to-be-Hart struggling with his tuxedo way more than he should, and she giggles. "Come here, you moron." She turns him around and quickly does up the knot the way it should have been done, then helps him into the jacket and smooths down the beautiful (and bulletproof, of course) fabric. Satisfied, she takes a step back. "Alright, turn."    
  
Eggsy turns to face her, his arms held loosely out at his sides, allowing her to look him up and down. "How do I look?" He whispers nervously.    
  
For a moment, she looks like she’s about to cry. "Perfect. You look perfect." She tells him. “You look like a fallen fucking angel. You’re going to look stunning in this place.”

Eggsy laughs. “How Harry got permission from the archbishop to have their wedding at The Chapel of King's College, I’ll never know.” Then he sighs, and looks down at himself. "Harry'll look better. He always does." He says shakily. 

  
"Harry won't know what hit him." Roxy shushes him.    
  
There’s a knock at the door, and without waiting to be invited in, Merlin, all dressed up in his best man tux, pokes his bald head around the door and shoots a smile at the pair. "You look good, Galahad. You should wear a tux more often." He teases   
  
For some reason, Merlin's thick brogue comforts him, and he laughs. "Thanks guv." He answers. "How's Harry?"    
  
The Scott rolls his eyes. "Obnoxious as always. He seems pretty nervous though, he's been quiet all day."    
  
"I thought stag parties were supposed to make you get over that. Did you lot even drink?"    
  
Merlin groans and lowers his head. "Do not mention alcohol to me right now. But yes, actually, I managed to drink Harry under the table."    
  
"Oh, you most certainly did not." His girlfriend argues, hands coming up to her hips. "You know why? You called me last night at Eggsy's party, and told me all of the filthy things you wanted to do to me until I hung up on you."    
  
His face goes beet red, and the Scot quickly retreats from the room, leaving the pair absolutely in stitches.    
  
Once Eggsy's sides hurt and there are tears rolling down his face, he thinks about Harry in his dressing room on the other side of the venue with Merlin and Percy and many of the other Knights, anxiously pacing the floor as he often did, and he smiles.  _ I’m getting married.  _

  
**_________________**

 

Across the venue, secured in his own dressing room, Harry Hart is pacing anxiously back and forth in the rather spacious room while he listens to his other groomsmen chatter amongst themselves outside the door. He had asked for a few minutes alone to gather his thoughts, which were racing uncontrollably.    
  
He can’t think of a time when he had been this nervous. In all his years as a spy, he had never been this terrified of anything, but yet, every heartbeat felt like an icy stab of pain in his veins, and he had worried his bottom lip damn near raw. He’s finally going crazy. He had often wondered when he would finally lose his marbles completely, and why today of all days had to be the day, he isn’t sure.    
  
Thick, black panic courses through his bloodstream every time he thinks about his fiancé, who is so close to him. He wants to see him, just one time, it can’t really be bad luck, can it? It’s a stupid superstition. Seeing his soon-to-be husband wouldn’t ruin anything.    
  
_ Fucking hell. _ He thinks.  _ This is really happening. I’m getting married.  _   
  
The room suddenly seems too small and the air too thick, and his stomach is twisting in knots, causing him to lean forward and gasp for air. The room begins to spin, and Harry suddenly begins to feel sick.    
  
He needs air.    
  
Ignoring every voice in his head telling him to use the door like a normal person, all of his sane thoughts leave him entirely, and he relies on instinct alone as he pulls open the window and crawls out.    
  
He has to take several steps away from the building to be able to breathe again. He has his arms wrapped protectively around his own chest as he steps across the lawn with his knees shaking and his head still reeling. Once he’s far enough away, he crouches down, still careful of his suit, and tries to wrap his head around everything.    
  
_ It shoudn’t be this hard. _ Marriage, especially marriage to an incredible person like Eggsy Unwin should not be hard. He shouldn't even be considering what he was thinking about doing, not when Eggsy needs him. 

Every instinct is telling him to leave, to get his mind cleared before he makes the biggest mistake in the world and ruin both of their lives, but he knows that it’s crazy. Harry Hart loved Eggsy Unwin, he had since the very first moment they met outside the police station, and he would (and did, technically) die for the boy in an instant, if given the chance. Eggsy is like magic, if you believe in that sort of thing. He can pour love into a wound and send you straight out of reality with one cocky smile, and when Harry's old demons come back to haunt, Eggsy banishes them away with a snap of his fingers. At night when he curls his body into Harry's like a cat, clinging to his arms like he would disappear if he let go, he chases away all nightmares and allows Harry to live in peace. He allows him to love. And he does love. He loves Eggsy more than he loves anything else in the world.    
  
He needs to see him. 

He needs to see the boy like he needs air in his lungs, but for the moment, air can wait.    
  
Harry pushes himself to his feet and crosses the lawn once again, but instead of going back toward the window, he keeps walking, stopping right outside Eggsy's dressing room window. He stays hidden, not wanting anyone to see him standing there, sneaking a peak as he stands with his back to the stone wall. 

He hears Roxy's voice, followed by Daisy Unwin's laughter, and almost reluctantly, Harry tilts his head up, and peers in the window. His breath catches, and he immediately regrets doing so.    
  
He can see him.

Eggsy has his back to him as he speaks to Merlin, and Harry's heart hammers in his chest. "Turn around, you beautiful boy, turn around." He pleads quietly.   
  
As if he had heard him, Eggsy turns around slowly, facing his mother and sister, and he looks more beautiful than Harry can actually put into words, or even fathom in that moment. 

He looks like something out of a dream. His eyes are sparkling under the weight of all of the tearful gazes that he was receiving from Roxy and his family, while Michelle takes pictures, and his cheeks were turning that gorgeous rosy pink that Harry adores and he drops his head, but when he looks back up, the smile on his face was one that could have stopped Harry's heart. He’s actually surprised it didn’t. In all of his fifty years on Earth, he had never seen a more breathtaking sight.    
  
And that's why he needs to leave.    
  
He can’t keep this up, this notion, this idea that he would ever be what this boy needs. He needs to leave. He can’t do it for himself, but he can do it for Eggsy. He can always do it for Eggsy. He would do anything for Eggsy, if it meant he was happy.    
  
Gathering up the pieces of his cracking heart, Harry Hart, now feeling his age more than ever, backs away from the window, whispers a final apology, and stumbles away from the chapel toward the nearest road where he can call for his car. 

He can’t do it. Any of it. He’s a coward, and he wouldn't risk Eggsy's happiness. Never.    
  
He second, third, and forth guesses himself before his car comes. Part of him is screaming that he’s an idiot, that he needs to go back, but the other part of him is convincing him this is best. His car comes within minutes, and when he gets inside, he takes his phone out of his pocket, and dials the one number he could bare to call in that moment.    
  
The call is answered on the fourth ring. "Harry? Where are you? I've been looking for you everywhere." Merlin answers nonchalantly, completely calm and still cheerful. He obviously hadn't seen Harry leave. That should be a comfort, and it normally would be, but it only unnerves him more.

  
"Merlin, I need you to put Eggsy on the phone." He says, his voice calm, but if Merlin’s listening closely, he would hear the strain.    
  
Instead, the Scot laughs. _"Eager are we? It's only an hour, Harry, I think you can wait until-"_   
  
"Merlin, please," He begs, his fingers digging into both the phone and the leather seat. "Put him on the fucking phone."    
  
_"Jesus, alright. Hey, Eggsy!"_ There’s a light scuffling, then he hears a door open, followed by the distant sound of Eggsy's laughter, and Harry squeezes his eyes shut as the beautiful sound rips his heart in two.    
  
He can do this.    
  
He can do this for Eggsy.    
  
_ Forgive me, please, my love. I'm so sorry _ . 

  
**_________________**

  
  
"Mum, c'mon, no more photos, please." Eggsy pleads exasperatedly, causing the small audience that had gathered to laugh at him.    
  
Michelle Unwin lowers her camera with a soft glare at her son and shakes her head. "Oh, let me 'ave my fun, my baby's gettin' married and I'll take all the photos I want, now stay still. Alright, Daisy, go over and stand next to your brother, love." She whispers, ushering the sweet little girl who’s barely big enough to walk over to her brother.    
  
Eggsy smiles down at her and holds open his arms. "Come here my little Dais'." She isn’t shy; when Eggsy gets down, she goes running straight into his arms, and allows him to lift her up.   
  
"Eggsy! Don't crouch like that, you'll run your tux!" Michelle scolds.    
  
"Oh, I've done worse than that in a suit, mum." He replies cheekily, winking at Roxy, who giggles.    
  
His mother glares, but snaps a photo anyway.    
  
"Eggsy, do you think 'Arry'll let us celebrate at your house while you two are off on the honeymoon? E's got some good whiskey I'd like to crack open." Ryan teases.    
  
The agent turns and glares playfully at his friend, placing Daisy back down on the ground. "Fuck off, mate, no. Harry won't even let me touch the whiskey if he ain't home."    
  
Jamal punches him in the shoulder. "Yeah, but neither of you is gonna be home." He challenges.   
  
"Oh, don't you worry 'bout that, bruv." Eggsy reassures. "Merlin is gonna be stoppin' by to check on JB every day with Rox."    
  
"That's right." Roxy agrees with a flip of her hair. "And while Merlin might be inclined to let you stay and drink the Harts' liquor-"    
  
"The missus won't allow it." Ryan answers, stealing a grin toward the young Lancelot, who slaps his arm.    
  
"Oi, you leave 'er alone." Jamal defends her. "You wish you had a missus like Miz Roxy."    
  
"I do have a missus like Miz Roxy, Jamal, it's you. You’re why I don't have no fun, and we ain't even kissed yet."    
  
The entire room erupts into laughter at that point in the conversation, the feeling of the room is better than anything Eggsy has ever felt. He can’t wait another hour to marry Harry. He wishes his fiancé could be here to see it. He wants to hear him say witty, sarcastic things while the others joke about.    
  
He still can’t believe that only three years had passed since their first (technically second) meeting, and only two had passed since they finally confessed their love for one another, and only nine months since Harry asked him to marry him. Eggsy had never thought he could be this happy. His life had been basically tragedy topping tragedy, until the police station and Kingsman, and of course, Harry. He could never have asked for a better person to spend his life with.    
  
"Hey, Eggsy!" Merlin calls as he steps into the room and approaches the groom. He holds out the phone for him with a sly grin. "It's Harry. He sounds distressed. Twenty four hours of not seeing you has made him go a bit mental."    
  
The agent rolls his eyes, and takes the phone, while Merlin ushers all of the Knights, including Michelle and Daisy, out into the hall, apart from himself and Roxy. Eggsy closes the door of his dressing area and holds the phone to his ear. "Hey, lover, you know we're gettin' married in an hour, right?" He says cheerfully.   
  
_"Eggsy, please..."_ Harry pleads with him, voice thick with guilt. _"I need you to listen for a minute."_   
  
For some reason, Eggsy's heart immediately drops to his stomach, and he forgets how to breathe.    



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't enjoy hurting our Egg Muffin, I swear.

"Have you seen Harry, yet?" Roxy asks her boyfriend as they sit perched up in the large bay window, overlooking the whole yard. The sun was beautiful today, and it warmed a smile onto her face.    
  
Merlin hums into her hair, and tightens his arms around her waist. "Oh, yes, he looks as gorgeous as always." He answers, his words dripping sarcasm.    
  
The young Lancelot laughs and gently elbows her boyfriend in the ribs.    
  
"Ow, feisty." He growls in her ear.    
  
"You watch yourself, mister."    
  
"Oi, would you two stop bein' gross for two bloody seconds, please?" Ryan grumbles as he and Jamal push through the door.    
  
Roxy, who is too comfy in her boyfriend's arms to say a goddamn thing, sighs dramatically. "Jamal, be a dear and slap him for me, please?" She murmurs.    
  
There’s a soft noise of agreement, then the loud slapping of skin, followed by a hiss of profanity from Ryan, who then begins to sulk. Jamal on the other hand, leans up against the wall, and beams over at the couple. "Hey, what did 'Arry want that couldn't wait 'till the ceremony?"    
  
The Scotsman shrugs. "No idea, he was being too pushy for me to find out." He says.    
  
"Probably just nerves." Roxy states quietly in an understanding tone.    
  
Merlin scoffs in response. “The man can go on life threatening espionage missions, but yet he can't handle wedding butterflies.”    
  
"Eggsy's been real quiet though, and it's been a while." Ryan notes.    
  
"Harry is a ridiculous man." Merlin argues. "They're probably being sappy."    
  
The group starts to laugh, but just as they do, the door to the fitting room opens, and out walks Eggsy, phone cradled in his hand, and everyone catches their breath.    
  
Roxy Morton knows a lot of things. She knows how to make a killing shot to the center of the forehead with different guns and her eyes closed, she knows how to weave in and out of traffic on a motorcycle while being shot at, she knows how to flirt her way into someone's bedroom for information, she even knows how to make rose tea from scratch, petals and all. She also knows that something terrible had just happened, and that she is going to punch Harry Hart in his stupid superior fucking face. She knows all of this the moment that Eggsy walks out of the room with red rimmed eyes and shaking hands.    
  
Everyone stands up immediately, including Roxy, who walks straight up to her friend without missing a beat. He keeps a strong face until she was right in front of him, like he doesn’t want to break down, but the moment she opens her arms, Eggsy's tough persona crumbles, and he collapses into her embrace, sobs already ripping his body while she rubs his back in comforting circles. "Oh, Eggsy..." She whispers. 

She already knows.    
  
The others stand around watching in a mix of horror, confusion, and worry while their friend falls to pieces in Roxy's arms. They all seem too afraid to even speak.    
  
"He called it off, Rox." Eggsy sobs into her shoulder. "He called it off, said he didn't want it anymore."    
  
Roxy’s heart drops in horror.    
  
Another heavy sob rips out of the agent's chest, and Roxy holds him tighter. "Shhh, sweetheart, I know. I know." She whispers soothingly as she rocks him back and forth like he’s a child. She sent a look over her shoulder at Merlin, who’s standing in a daze, trying to process the information he had just been handed, and he nods. 

That one glance gives him all the information, and she quickly turned his attention back to Eggsy, who is now shaking from head to toe. "It's okay, sweetheart, let it out." She murmurs.    
  
"Come on." She hears her boyfriend bark at Ryan and Jamal from behind her. "You two keep everyone out, I'm going to find Harry. Tell them nothing." The cheerful, excited tone that held his brogue earlier was gone, and now all that’s left in the demanding, frustrated snap that he uses during training. The door quickly opens and closes, and suddenly, they’re alone.    
  
Roxy doesn’t move. She holds onto Eggsy, and allows him to cling to her for dear life while he cries. Eventually, she tries to talk to him. "Eggsy, tell me what happened, babe." She whispers.    
  
The agent shakes his head against her shoulder. "He called it off, Rox. He doesn't love me, he said it was a mistake."   
  
The anguished break in his voice nearly rips Roxy's heart in pieces. She wants to say something, anything, anything to comfort her best friend, but she can’t think of anything that would be okay to say.  _ How do you apologize to someone who was just left at the church on their wedding day? How do you apologize for that? _   
  
"Oh, Eggsy..." She whispers again.    
  
His arms tighten again. "I want to leave. Please. Please, I want to go leave, get me out of here, please." He begs her, like she wouldn't let him leave.    
  
She nods. "I know, sweetheart, we'll go home. You can stay at my and Merlin's place for a while, okay? As long as you like. Merlin'll go get JB, and we'll go home." She briefly releases him, and grabs her jacket and her bag, then calls for her car to be out front.  _ I need to get him out of here before someone comes along and makes it worse. _ She doesn’t even want Harry with him anymore, she just wants to get him out.    
  
Jamal and Ryan push the door open, Ryan looking like he’s about to commit murder, while Jamal looks a bit more calm. "Mrs. Unwin knows." He mutters. "She's telling people to leave."    
  
"I'm hopin' she finds that prick before Merlin does." Ryan growls.    
  
Normally, she would make a comment, but she honestly doesn’t care what happens to Harry at the moment. "I'm taking Eggsy to my flat." Roxy says, tossing her keys to the boys, which Ryan catches.    
  
Michelle Unwin comes through the door next, her eyes red and puffy, but not to the extent of her son's. Eggsy takes one look and launches himself at his mother, who holds him just like Roxy had, and the broken weeping comes even heavier now. She hushes him and rocks him, but Eggsy is a mess, andRoxy can’t blame him. 

_ I hope you’re happy, Harry Hart.  _   
  
The door opens for a third time, and Merlin steps in, looking tired and furious all at once. "Bastard turned his phone off. He couldn't be bothered to say anything." He says.    
  
"That doesn't matter now, we're leaving. Eggsy's coming to our flat." Roxy states, her voice overrun with authority.    
  
Merlin nods. "That's fine." He replies.    
  
With Michelle's arms still tight around Eggsy's body, she turns slightly so that they could walk, and Roxy latches on once more, covering most of his body. She begins ushering the still crying young man through the doorway, and out to the hall where people are standing about, their eyes desperately begging to know what had happened, but thanks to Merlin, who had his hand on Eggsy's shoulder, no one dared ask. 

Ryan and Jamal follow close behind, and when they get outside to Roxy's car, Michelle lets go of her son, and allows Roxy to take over once again, helping him into the back seat while Ryan drives and Jamal rides shotgun.    
  
Once the door was shut, she turns to Merlin, who is standing almost protectively in front of the car, his back to the church. Her throat tightens when she saw the frustration that had lingered on his face. "It doesn't make any sense, why would Harry leave?" She wonders out loud.   
  
Merlin shrugs. "I don't know, I'm as shocked as you are, love." He answers.    
  
"Did he say anything?" She asks, reaching out and lightly touching his arm. "Last night, today, did he say anything? Did he seem overly anxious? I just... This isn't like Harry. He wouldn't do this unless something really bad happened."    
  
He shakes his head. "He looked just as nervous as Eggsy did."    
  
"What about last night?"    
  
"No, and that's what's confusing me." The tech grumbles, passing a hand over his face. "He was excited. He was really excited, actually, he was bouncing up and down with energy all night. I had to take his phone so that he wouldn't call Eggsy just to gush about how much he loved him. The way he was acting, you would think they hadn't seen each other in years. He was happy. I just..." He shakes his head. "I can't imagine what would have happened that would make him do this."    
  
Merlin sounds as tired as Roxy felt.    
  
Just then, she hears a loud noise that sounds like a breathless whine come from the car, and Jamal jumps out. "Miz Roxy, it's Eggsy, 'e says 'e can't breathe." He hisses so that the others can’t hear, though he does nothing to mask his alarm.    
  
"He's hyperventilating, you need to go." Merlin orders, pressing a quick kiss to Roxy's temple. "I'll stay here and track Harry down, you take him home and calm him down."    
  
She doesn’t bother answering, she only nods, and quickly climbs into the back seat where Eggsy grabs hold of her immediately. She just lets him cry. 

  
  
**_________________**

 

  
Eggsy doesn’t remember the drive home. He remembers getting out of the car at one point, and getting back in, but he has no memory of why or where, but the moment they pull up outside Roxy and Merlin's shared house, he allows his best friend to pull him out of the car and drag him up the stairs to the guest bedroom. He can’t feel his own body; it’s like he’s just walking through a dream.    
  
That's what it feels like. Just a horrible dream.    
  
Roxy is talking to him, he can hear that much. It’s light and muffled, and he can hear the worry masking the calming front of her words, but what exactly she’s saying, he can’t make out. Eggsy can’t think to respond to her. He doesn’t even think he could talk if he tried, even he wanted to.    
  
The guest bedroom looks nothing like the one at his and Har... Well, just Harry's now, but it looks nothing like Harry's guest bedroom. He’s grateful for that. With shaking hands, he pulls off his coat, his tie and his shoes, and buries himself in the sheets while Roxy watches him with worried eyes, and says something he can’t be bothered to listen to. He becomes aware suddenly of the exhaustion that is plaguing his body, making his movements slow and his thoughts clouded. His body feels like it weighs twice what he does. He just wants to sleep. For a year. Or ten years. Or maybe just forever. Forever would be nice.    
  
Finally, Roxy sighs, and whispers something else, then leaves and closed the door behind her, leaving Eggsy alone.    
  
He’s asleep in minutes. 

  
  
**_________________**

  
  
"Hey lover, you know we're gettin' married in an hour, right?"   
  
_"Eggsy, please... I need you to listen for a minute."_  
  
"W-what?"   
  
There’s  a sigh from Harry's end of the line, then, the older man's gravelly voice speaks the four words that Eggsy is dreading. "I can't do this."   
  
And just like that, the young agent's entire world splinters and cracks and he feels the heartbreak, betrayal and loneliness already beginning to surface, like a thick cloak had been placed around his shoulders, and he staggers where he stands. "You..." He gasped.   
  
_"I'm so sorry, Eggsy, I truly am."_ Harry tries, sounding like he had been winded, but Eggsy can’t hear the apology he was looking for.   
  
"What did I do?" He can’t keep the raw hurt out of his voice anymore.   
  
_"No, Eggsy-"_  
  
"Whatever it is, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll fix it, jus' give me a chance. Please, Harry, I'll do better, I'll be better, let me fix it." His breaths are coming in heavy, shallow gasps now, while thick, bitter panic is already filling his chest.   
  
_"Eggsy, you did nothing wrong. This was all me."_  
  
The agent swallows hard as another piece of his heart cracked. The classic 'it's not you, it's me' trick. He knows what that means. He knows that it means that he had done something, that it was all his fault. _Your fault_. The voice in his head teases _. All your fault._  
  
"Why?"   
  
Harry lets out a deep breath. _"I just... Realized too late what I was doing, and decided that it was better if I leave now before we made the mistake we were about to make."_   
  
Eggsy wants to scream. He’s a mistake. Harry can’t have meant that, could he? He’s suddenly thrown back to memories of the dog test, to the way Harry had looked at him when he couldn't shoot JB, then threw it in his face. He thinks about how disappointed Harry was in him, how he had looked at him like he was just as worthless as Dean had always told him he was, and all at once, everything that anyone ever said to him, Dean, Rottie, Chester King, everyone he had ever met that had something negative thing to say about him being nothing more than a hopeless disappointment, a pathetic, utter mistake, it all comes down on him in a heartbeat, and he’s thankful for the wall next to him, or else he would have fallen to his knees.   
  
"Harry..." He whispers brokenly. "Harry, please, jus'... Come talk to me, please? Fuck bad luck, just come see me. I love you, Harry, please."   
  
_"I've already left, Eggsy."_ He suddenly sounds stern and emotionless, like Arthur, the head of Kingsman, not Harry Hart, the man Eggsy loved.   
  
That takes the wind out of Eggsy, and this time he actually does stagger into the wall. He feels like he’s going to be sick. "Harry... Please."   
  
_"I'm sorry, Eggsy."_  
  
He doesn’t sound sorry.  
  
 _"It's best to call it off. I only wish I had done it sooner."_  
  
The agent sucks in a sharp, audible breath. "Sooner?"   
  
_"Shit, Eggsy, no, that's not-"_  
  
The phone slips from Eggsy's fingers and clatters to the ground as the boy tries to catch his breath. He takes a deep, shuddering breath, and bites down on his fist to keep from screaming as he slides down the wall, hands fisted in his hair, and chest aching and heaving. He can hear Harry shouting his name over the phone, but he can’t move.   
  
Harry had left him. On their wedding day, an hour before they were supposed to marry, Harry had left him. Harry doesn’t love him anymore.  
  
It doesn’t feel real yet. Nothing feels real yet.   
  
This morning, Eggsy had been in a blissful fantasy, like a fairy tale that he read Daisy, like he was the princess and Harry was the charming prince that he was going to marry, and he had been so happy. But, with the snap of someone's fingers, he had been dragged back to reality just in time to see Harry walk out the door, and just like that, Eggsy is completely, and utterly alone. 


	3. Chapter 3

Eggsy isn’t sure how long he sleeps. When he opens his eyes again, the room is dark, and he can hear nothing from the hallway, so he assumes it’s late. Or early. Eggsy turns over and looks at the clock, which reads eleven in the evening, meaning he had slept for almost nine hours. He cringes internally. He hadn't meant to sleep that long. He hadn't meant to sleep at all.   
  
Almost instinctively, he reaches across the bed for a hand that he knows isn’t there, and when he only touches sheets, he feels pressure build up in his chest. He sits up quickly, his breathing escalating as he remembers where he is, and, unfortunately, but inevitably, why he was there. Just as his throat threatens to close, he throws himself back against the pillows, and runs his hand through his hair.   
  
Harry. The wedding. The phone call. He remembers the phone call, their last phone call, like it’s a record that is playing over and over, and he can’t get Harry's remorseless voice out of his head, the way he had so casually broke Eggsy's heart, like he meant nothing to him, when Harry meant everything to Eggsy. That’s the the worst of it. The fact that he had meant nothing to Harry, but Harry had meant the world to him. Harry had been the reason he got up in the morning, the reason he fought for his life on missions, just so that he could come home and be with Harry... And to think that Harry had fallen out of love with him...    
  
Eggsy lies there on his back and stares at the ceiling of his best friend's guest room, his mind reeling with unanswered questions. His heart feels like a rock the way it had settled in his rib cage, and it suddenly becomes very hard for him to breathe again.    
  
He lets out a loud gasp for air, and fights away the urge to put his hands around his throat. He throws the covers off of his body to relieve some of the pressure on his chest, unbuttons a few buttons of his shirt, though his fingers are shaking so badly that he can’t get them, and the cold, biting panic returns as he feels like he’s suffocating. Eggsy jumps to his feet and rips at the shirt until the first few buttons give way, and when that does nothing to ease his panic, he begins pacing back and forth in the suddenly too small room.    
  
Pacing doesn’t help.    
  
Feeling tears prick at his eyes, Eggsy sits back down on the edge of the bed, and scrubs his hands across his face, trying to get the tears to go away, but it does nothing. He feels lightheaded, and the hyperventilating is making him dizzy enough to feel his stomach churning, so he lowers his head, and fists his hands in his hair.    
  
Panic, dread and loneliness sneaks up on him all at once like a team, oozing up from the floorboards and from the walls, threatening to drown him. There’s a deep set chill in the base of his spine that reverberates through his entire body, like he’s freezing, and couldn't get warm. He had never felt this before.    
  
This isn’t like a normal panic attack, he notes somewhere in the haze. He gets them sometimes, not often, but once in a blue moon after a bad mission, he would come home, shaking and unable to speak, and Harry would always take him upstairs and undress him, tend to his wounds, nice and slow, even if they were minimal. He never spoke a word, just silently cleaned Eggsy up, and let him process his thoughts.    
  
That's when the guilt and the anger would all set deep in his bones. Having Harry care for him and nurture him, thought he didn't deserve it, and out of nowhere, the voices of all of the victims of V-Day, or the other casualties that came about because of him would all be screaming at him about how it was all his fault, and it would all suddenly be too much, and he would crack. He wouldn't be able to breathe. It always hurt too much.    
  
When that happened, Harry would lift him up like a bride and carry him to their room, and once they were both in bed, Harry would cradle him to his chest and let the panic attack happen, all while stroking his back and telling him how much he loved him. Once Eggsy could finally breathe again, and his chest was warm and full of the love Harry gave, Eggsy would apologize, and Harry always told him to hush. They'd talk later, of course, once Eggsy had a cup of tea in him, they would climb into the extravagant bathtub they had, and Harry would listen to Eggsy talk. Sometimes he cried. Sometimes he got angry. But whatever happened, Eggsy would always go to sleep smiling, wrapped in Harry's arms.   
  
Maybe that’s was why it was different. Harry isn’t there to fix him this time. Harry left.    
  
A loud noise that sounds like a sob echoes through the room, and Eggsy is startled to realize that it had come from him. The agent tries to take a deep breath, but he’s taken over by the waves of emotion; the pain and the loss that had followed him home from the almost-wedding. He slides down off of the bed and onto the floor where he pulls his knees to his chest and covers his mouth with his hand to keep from making too much noise, but when the tears came, he can’t help it.    
  
_ Stop crying. _ He orders himself as he tried to concentrate. He uses the same tone of voice that Dean had used when he beat him as a kid and Eggsy's bottom lip would start to quiver.  _ Stop crying, stop crying, stopstopstopstop-  _   
  
He doesn’t hear Roxy enter the room, not until she drops down beside him and wraps her arms around him, and like she is the only lifeline he has, he grips every part of her he can; her sweater (that he is certain is Merlin's), her arms, her shoulders, and his breath hitches as he falls apart on her for the second time in twenty four hours.    
  
"Oh, Eggsy, I'm so sorry." She whispers as she cradles him like a baby. "I'm so, so sorry."    
  
“I just don’t understand, Roxy.” He explains. “I don’t understand what I did.”     
  
He feels her tense up. "You didn't do anything wrong, Eggsy, nothing at all. This is his fault. He's the arsehole, Eggsy, this was all him, not you." She tries to reassure him. 

He shakes his head. “I just don’t understand.”    
  
"I don’t either, love."    
  
They stay like that for a long time, Eggsy a mess, and Roxy comforting him. The tears don’t stop for a long time, and when they finally do, Roxy pulls away and runs her fingers across his cheeks to brush away the wetness. It reminds him of his mother.    
  
Finally, Eggsy takes a deep breath, and looks down at his feet. "Sorry I woke you up." He rasps.    
  
She shakes her head. "Don't worry, you didn't. I was up waiting for Merlin."    
  
"Where's Merlin at?"    
  
When she doesn’t answer, he can only assume that he’s out looking for Harry, or talking to him. His stomach flips at the thought.    
  
"Can I stay here? I... I really don't wanna-"    
  
"Don't worry about that either." She says with a soft smile. "Ryan and Jamal went to your house and picked up a few of your things while you were still asleep. They even got JB too. He's downstairs kicking up a fuss because I wouldn't let him up here. I wanted you to get sleep, and knowing JB, he wouldn't have let you."    
  
Eggsy smiles at that. "No, he probably wouldn't have." He whispers, thinking about his stupid little dog that he adores with all of his heart. That stupid little dog that would keep him and Harry up at night with his snuffling and snoring, and who always barks at leaves. Harry always scolded him because he claimed that Eggsy would spoil him (letting the dog on the sofa or on their bed or occasionally giving him a piece of food off his plate was not spoiling him, thank you very much), but he secretly loved it. Harry adored JB, and JB adored his daddies more than anything.    
  
The memories of those warm nights at home, cuddled up on the couch, Eggsy lounging lazily in Harry's lap with JB curled up in a tiny ball against his stomach brought the iron bars up against his heart again, and he looks down at the carpet, so that Roxy can’t see his face. He will never do those things again, and that hurts more than anything.    
  
"Hey." Roxy murmurs, squeezing his arm. "Are you alright?"    
  
Eggsy bites at his lip. He could be honest, but then she would worry, but she would know if he was lying anyway, so there’s no point. "No." He replies bitterly. "No, actually, I'm pretty fuckin' far from alright. I just... Don't understand why. I thought he loved me, ya'know? It don't make sense that he would have been lying this whole time, not after the fuss he made tryin' to get me to say yes in the first place... I'm just tryin' to figure out when he decided he didn't love me anymore." Something inside of him breaks, and he has to look away. He refuses to cry in front of Roxy again, not for a third time.    
  
Roxy purses her lips, like she’s biting back an argument, but eventually says nothing. "Eggsy, if you want to stay here for a few days, you can. I'm not gonna make you go back home."    
  
He swallows hard against the tightness of his throat. "Thanks, Rox." He croaks. Eggsy would have said more, had his vocal chords not been closing up tight. He really is appreciative of her offer, he knows he can’t face home yet, not now. It had taken him a week after Kentucky to actually go back to Harry's house, but, they weren't a couple back then, and Harry had broken his heart for an entirely different reason. 

Back then, it had been Harry's house, not Harry and Eggsy's house, the house they had lived in together for almost two years, that was currently filled with the sofa and the coffee table they had bought together, and other various things they had accumulated over the years. He couldn't face any of those things, not after what Harry had done to him. 

He wishes he could tell Roxy how much he needs to stay, and how much he appreciates the offer to do so, but in the end, all he manages to say is "Could I take a shower?"   
  
"Sure." She nods, and helps him to his feet. "You know where it is, right?"    
  
"Yeah, I'll manage. Thanks."    
  
"Alright, just yell if you need anything."    
  
"I will."    
  
Once she’s gone, he digs through the bag of clothing that Ryan and Jamal had obviously just thrown together, and fishes out a pair of sweatpants and then a grey shirt at the bottom of the bag, that he immediately flinches at when he sees what it is. It’s one of Harry's. 

Sure, it’s his favorite of Harry's because it’s three sizes too big for either of them, and Harry always commented about how adorable he looked in it, but he didn't want the reminder. He smells the faint aroma of Harry's cologne that had lingered on the shirt, and it almost makes him gag. Almost angrily, he stuffs it in the bottom of the bag, choosing one of his own t-shirts instead. While he walks to the bathroom, he decides that he was going to burn the shirt. That idea makes him happy.    
  
The hot water in the shower does nothing to unknot the muscles in his back, nor does it do anything to calm him down. While the guest room doesn’t look like his and Harry's, the bathroom is exactly like theirs, and the agent finds himself listening for footsteps outside the door, like Harry was going to come in and step beside him in the shower, press his lips to Eggsy’s neck and tell him how beautiful he looks wet (which always got him to blush, no matter how many times he heard it).    
  
What he had said to Roxy hadn't been a lie; he’s still racking his brain, trying to pinpoint the exact moment in their relationship when Harry decided he no longer loved him, and that he was a mistake.   
  
Truth be told, he isn’t actually trying to think about Harry. It just happens. 

Maybe it’s the house. Maybe it’s the fact that he knew he still had one of Harry's shirts with him, or maybe it’s the fact that he still can’t get the emotionless tone that Harry's voice had taken on when he broke Eggsy's heart out of his head. It’s like Harry hadn’t cared that he destroyed Eggsy's life when he left. He had left Eggsy without a home, and too ashamed of himself to go back to his mother's, because she would just make him feel worse, though she wouldn't mean it. He can’t go home. He knows that much.    
  
Eggsy had moved in right after Harry pulled a Sherlock Holmes and came back from the dead, three months after Kentucky. Harry had been found by paramedics (after a sweet old lady named Georgiana found him while walking her aging poodle and called 911) and was transferred to a small, obscure hospital in Paducah to be treated. Wounded only with a bullet to the head that had shattered his glasses and gave him a nasty set of scars on the left side of his face, and a concussion from the fall that put him in a coma and left him with the occasional splitting headache, Harry woke up three months later, and they watched him for one night only before he flew home and surprised the Knights at the Round Table.    
  
After Merlin lost his shit and threw his clipboard at him (much to the amusement of the other Knights), and the survivor story came out, he asked about Eggsy, who was conveniently on a honeypot mission at the time. The sister of a bureaucrat who was planning on murdering someone important that Eggsy couldn't have been bothered to remember, and although Eggsy had all of the information he needed, he decided to stay for a bit, hoping he'd get lucky. She was a gorgeous thing.    
  
Harry, being the overdramatic prick that he was, thought that revealing himself to Eggsy while he was on a honeypot mission, and at that time, in the middle of restaurant, was a brilliant idea, despite Merlin's complaints, but Roxy thought it was romantic, so Harry did it. And, of course, had almost promptly given the young agent a fucking heart attack while his mark stared in confusion at the both of them. Eggsy had never quite forgiven Merlin for that one.   
  
Once Eggsy had gotten hold of it in his head and calmed down from the initial panic attack, he and Harry went for a drink. Harry explained everything, and Eggsy just listened, all while staring down at his untouched drink, feeling a bit sick. He hadn't imagined that he would ever see Harry again, and although he had forgiven Harry for disappearing, the man a point to apologize to him in some shape or form every single day for a long time afterwards, until he was certain he was forgiven.    
  
Eggsy started staying over after that. Almost every night, he'd show up on Harry's doorstep, and sleep in guest room, or on his sofa, depending on whether or not he went to bed before Harry (in the event that he fell asleep on the sofa while he and Harry were watching movies, Harry would carry him to the guest room, to which Eggsy was none the wiser). After a few weeks, his curiosity got the better of him, and Harry decided to ask the younger man why he stayed with Harry so much at night, and the younger man had gone dead silent for a long time. 

Finally, when he looked back up at his mentor, Harry was shocked to see the boy's beautiful liquid emerald eyes misty and after hearing him utter 'someone's gotta make sure you ain't gonna leave me again' in the quietest, most broken tone of voice that Harry had ever heard, his heart dropped, and they didn't speak again for the rest of the night. The next day, Harry gave him a key so that he could let himself in, and Eggsy had absolutely glowed for the rest of the day.   
  
Eggsy isn't sure when he "officially" moved into Harry's house, as there’s a very blurred line between when the visits became every night occurrences, and when Harry started waiting for him after work so that they could drive together, but, he was certain it started with the toothbrush. It hadn’t been a big deal; JB, being stupid as he was, had gotten hold of Eggsy's toothbrush and destroyed it while he was away, and when he had woken up the next morning and went into the bathroom they shared, he remembered that he had forgotten to pick up his spare on his way home. He had expected to have to go back to his mother's to get his other one before work, but, much to his surprise, there was a brand new toothbrush sitting in the little holder on the counter, right next to Harry's.    
  
Knowing Harry had gone out to buy him a toothbrush for his house had made him smile, and that morning over breakfast, 'damn, Harry, first a key, then you buy me a toothbrush, it's almost like I live here' had slipped out in it's usual cocky way, to which Harry had smiled and replied with 'don't you?' and that was it for Eggsy.    
  
And... He never left.    
  
The first time he slept in Harry's bed had been an accident, though.    
  
While Harry had taken over the Arthur position and never really went on missions (though he did anyway, because he could and not even Merlin could stop him), Eggsy was Galahad now, and because of that, his missions were often the most grueling, for some reason. One night, after a particularly bad one that had left him without sleep for four days, the poor boy's adrenaline rush had finally run dry, and his exhaustion finally caught up with him, and he had went stumbling up the stairs of Harry's house at a quarter to three in the morning, almost delirious with sleep deprivation. In a moment of confusion, he opened the door to the wrong room, and stumbled in, undressed down to nothing but his pants, and crawled under the covers.    
  
Harry had woken up the next morning with an armful of Eggsy, and was simply too comfortable to be bothered to move. Not that Eggsy minded.    
  
Their first kiss had been mere coincidence. They needed a way to distract the guards, and turns out, Natasha Romanov had been right when she said that "Public displays of affection made people uncomfortable." It had been meant to be used as a cover, but when Harry pushed him back against the brick wall hard enough to leave bruises on the back of his head and pressed his lips all too roughly on his, the poor agent had nearly come undone at the seams. He hadn't expected Harry's soft lips, nor had he expected the smell of the older man's cologne to be so intoxicating, and he definitely didn't expect the high pitched whimper that came out of his mouth when Harry bit down on his bottom lip. 

His horror only lasted a moment, because Harry had laughed in an almost dangerously low tone much too close to his ear, and he suddenly pulled away, and quickly moved his hair back to it's gentlemanly style, though with the flush on his cheeks and the swollen lips that were twisted up into a wolfish smirk (that would have Eggsy on his fucking knees in a heartbeat if Harry would let him), he hardly looked like a gentleman. Nope, he looked like sex on fucking legs, and Eggsy knew from that moment on that he was truly, utterly, deeply, and  _ completely _ fucked.    
  
And later that night, when their mark had injected Eggsy with some sort of fear-inducing hallucinogen that had appropriately been named "Bogart" (apparently, he was an avid Harry Potter fan), causing the poor thing to see some of the most terrifying things and relive some of the darkest memories of his life, Harry was there through everything. Every flashback, every panic attack, Harry was there, every time he screamed when he saw Dean standing over his mother and Daisy's dead bodies, or when he saw Valentine in the corner, holding a gun to Harry's head, every time he thought she saw blood on Harry's shirt, Harry was right there, holding his face in both of his hands, and pressing the occasional kiss to his forehead to calm him.    
  
They slept in the same bed that night too. Harry had him cradled to his chest the whole night, and Eggsy let the smell of the older man's cologne lull him to sleep, like it was home.   
  
The next morning, when the affects of the drug had subsided, and Eggsy found out that Harry stayed up the entire night to watch over him, he felt warmth spread all across his chest, and the affection he held for the man had skyrocketed and he knew the older man could hear it. When Harry got out of bed to make them breakfast, Eggsy had to take a minute to breathe, because it was right then and there that he realized that he not only wanted Harry to fuck him deep into the mattress until he was sobbing and seeing stars, but he also wanted to wake up with him and go on dates and spend lazy Sunday mornings in bed, holding each other and whispering I love you into each other's skin. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Harry Hart.    
  
Of course, he hadn't expected it to matter to Harry that he was absolutely arse-over-tits in love with him, in fact, he more expected him to be disgusted with the idea. Every compliment, every soft glance, every unnecessary touch, that was Harry being nice, making up for being so horrible to him before Kentucky, Eggsy was certain of that. Plus, Harry was fit as fuck for a man who was almost fifty, with his fancy hair and his incredibly toned body, not to mention the way he spoke with a voice that was like liquid sunshine and honey (or liquid chocolate and sex, depending on what he was saying), Harry could have anyone he wanted. Harry was everything he wasn't in every way, and why would a gentleman like Harry love a dirty street kid like Eggsy?    
  
So, the young Galahad tucked away his feelings in a deep part of his heart, and tried to pretend that Harry hadn't completely consumed his entire life.    
  
Then, one day, during a mission that should have been easy, Eggsy managed to get surrounded on a cruise ship (of all fucking places), and ended up having to blow the whole thing, resulting in his almost drowning. The last thing he heard before losing consciousness was Harry's frantic voice screaming his name in a panic.    
  
He woke up six days later in the medical wing of Kingsman with a puffy eyed Harry Hart sitting at his bedside, holding his hand. Turned out, Harry had joined the extraction team (against explicit orders from Merlin), and had only been five minutes away at the time of the explosion, and at the sight of the flames, actually had been the one to dive into the water from the helicopter and save the boy. Eggsy had thrown a fit about that until Harry looked at him with tear filled eyes, and whispered 'someone has to make sure you're not going to leave me'.    
  
That night, Eggsy told Harry he loved him. Harry, thank the good fucking lord, had smiled and said it back, then laid down in the hospital bed with him, careful of all of his tubes and wires, and slept with him all night.    
  
Two days after Eggsy was cleared from hospital, Harry invited him to dinner at his house, and they got drunk on expensive wine, and made love in Harry's bed. When Eggsy came with a shout that echoed off the walls of his their room, Harry was whispering praise in his ear and wiping tears from his cheeks in a manor that was so sweet and tender that Eggsy came apart all together, and had to wait several minutes to be able to see straight again.    
  
The next day, Harry kissed him on full mouth in front of all of the Knights at the Round Table, and when they all cheered, Harry had smiled at him like he put the stars in the fucking sky. The feeling that overcame Eggsy would have given Heaven itself a run for its' money. Nothing compared to knowing that he was finally, completely, and unashamedly Harry's, to claim, to mark, and to love, for as long as Harry allowed.    
  
And two years, five proposals, twenty hints, four fights, a terrifying confession, a near-death experience, and a big, cliché airport scene later, Eggsy was finally going to marry the love of his life.    
  
Until the very man that went through all of that decided that Eggsy wasn't worth the fight, and left him an hour before the wedding.    
  
Maybe that’s it. Maybe Eggsy  _ isn’t _ worth it.

He had always felt like a black sheep compared to Harry Hart and the rest of Kingsman, with all of their posh accents and their excellent skills. Eggsy’s a poor kid from the Estates with authority issues, a filthy accent, and absolutely no idea how to behave. He had always been afraid that Harry thought of him as Chester King had thought of him; an inconvenience to Kingsman, and a stupid debt that Harry had to the Unwin family after his mistake left behind a fatherless boy who had grown up thinking that the world is simply unkind, and that he would always, and forever be nothing more than a disappointment.    
  
Harry, throughout their relationship, had taught him to believe he isn’t, but Eggsy is starting to wonder if that had been a lie too.    
  
The water suddenly becomes cold, and it shocks Eggsy out of his paralytic state, and causes him to look up into the spray of the water. He doesn’t remember sitting down on the floor of the tub with his knees brought up tight, and his arms wrapped tightly around his aching chest, but at some point, he had. He slowly gets to his feet, and turns the now icy cold water off before he steps out and wraps a towel around himself. He gets dressed slowly, painfully, like he had a raging fever, and like all of his nerves were inflamed.   
  
Right before he steps out of the bathroom, he catches sight of his face in the bathroom mirror, and reaches up to wipe the condensation from the glass, but regrets it the moment he does it. The agent can barely recognize himself behind the red, puffy eyes and the too-pale face that couldn't even pass for _ 'living' _ if asked by a doctor. Eggsy looks like a walking corpse, and he hates to admit that he feels like one too. His stomach heaves, he flinches, and quickly shuts the lights off, and makes his way back to the bedroom, away from the dead looking boy in the mirror.   
  
When he gets in bed, he buries himself in the blankets, trying to ignore how cold it feels to be alone.    
  
Fifteen minutes later, he gets up and pulls Harry's t-shirt over his head.  _ Just to wear, _ he tells himself, like he doesn’t spend the next hour breathing in the smell of Harry, and pretending that he’s home, waiting for his fiancé to come back after a mission, waiting to be wrapped in his strong arms, protected and loved. 


End file.
